My Place

I am of the mindset that my “place” in life is with many. I am called to love all and invest something unique in the lives of others deliberately. This is my life mission.

“Everyone has their place”… I recently heard a religious person say this exact phrase to another person and it really made me stop and think. I actually reflected on my own life briefly. I questioned myself. Did I miss the boat? Had I not found “my place” in life? Was my individual worth based only on living in one specific box? Is my place in life and true value only determined by finding one specific life assignment?

 I understand the concept of people feeling like they need to belong to one specific group or place in life to feel whole but I truly think this is a narrow mindset and it can eventually cause someone to miss out on so much in life. Do we really want to live on one isolated island for the rest of our lives?  Are we only called to only spend time and invest in very few like-minded people or experiences on a deeper level? I hope not!

I actually know this concept is not true. There was a time in my life when I fell down a religious rabbit hole in Tennessee without even realizing I had changed. I had become short-sighted of my true self and who I was originally created to be from the start. I think ultimately I wanted to “belong” to something. Unfortunately, that something led me far away from the people that were originally placed in my life and far away from my individual purpose. I am thankful every day that I walked away from that mindset and today l have such a freedom in my unique journey to love others unconditionally. I am called to simply be Jenn. I can't even imagine who I would be today and all of the experiences and people I would have missed out on if I had stayed there. So where is my place?

Here is what I know to be true. I do not belong to one specific place. I belong to many places and experiences in life. We are ALL called to love others and embrace each and every moment given with passion and intention.

 When I am with my children…this is my place. When I am at the gym investing in myself…this is my place. When I am at a meeting trying to create something new and exciting…this is my joy. When I hug a friend who I can sense is in pain…this is my heart. …When I help someone for no reason but love...I am home. If I feel sad or if my heart hurts over something I am passionate about…this is my fire. When I take the time to sit on my front porch and enjoy God’s creation…this is my prayer. When I see a client in tears the moment they realize they are beautiful…this is my gift. When I stand up for someone who has been treated unfair or if I neutralize shallow religious banter…this is my conviction. When I spend valuable time with someone and we bring out the best in each other…this is my spirit. When I express what is locked in my heart…this is my love. When I thank God for all he has given me and choose to give away this love to others freely…this is my church. This is my life mission…this is my passion, place and my home. 

Finding Me

Finding Me

I am awake again! I guess I can embrace the moment and do something I adore, write… or sit and stare at the ceiling for the next hour and waste time!  

So, I just looked at my facebook feed briefly before I picked up my computer and a new, “On This Day” memory popped up. It was a picture of my puppy, Harley and an empty moving truck sitting in my driveway in Tennessee THREE years ago. Today is my life anniversary!

Three years ago…at this very moment, I was terrified and a shell of who I am today. I will not go into too many personal details. I am always mindful to reserve the very intricate details of my heart to premeditated interactions. I will tell you, however… I was broken. I had to leave Tennessee and I knew that I would find myself again in South Carolina. God spoke to me years before this moment on a beach near Charleston. I have never been so sure of God’s calling on my life as the day I picked up my miniature camera on Folly Beach. In one moment, I was granted a gift to help others and God carved out a new path on my life’s journey through photography. I also knew in that very special moment I would one day return to South Carolina and live out the rest of my days. 

To take a chance on life is frightening! To leave a place of familiarity and to leap into the unknown is one of the most intimidating things anyone can do…but it is worth it…It really is! Transformation is an evolution! What do most of us do when life is out of order? We complain. Most people want change but we don't do anything about it. We get stuck in a passive mode and we wait for others to do what we need to do ourselves. 

Change is a process. Progress takes time but I believe that if we trust the process we will experience the life God has placed in our hearts. Sometimes, I truly do not understand why certain dreams or goals are placed in our hearts but I do know they are put there for a reason..some reason that will unfold one day. Too many of us choose to live a passive and static life and we are unwilling to bet on ourselves. We give up on dreams because they can take effort, they might make us feel uncomfortable for a while and cost us something. Yes!!!  This is all true but to find the desires of your heart and to live an authentic life is worth it. 

Today, I have peace, joy, and contentment knowing that I am where I belong. I am still a work in progress (always) but I made the right decision three years ago and I choose to live with positive expectation. Every change I have gone through has made me more mature and well-grounded! If you know you are supposed to be living a different life don't give up hope! Live life with purpose and refuse to have negative expectations! Decide to take a chance on your life…you simply can't lose! What are you waiting for?

Rite of Passage

As I sit here in my living room, I have no power in my home. We have just had a fast and crazy storm blow through South Carolina. It has shut down my communication with the world and my job for a while and it actually is quite nice. I get to sit, think and do something I love to do…write. 

I have been reflecting on a time in my life ten years ago during a thunderstorm in Tennessee at our Lake House. I don't remember what time of the year it was but I recall the evening like it was yesterday. I was home alone with my three-year-old daughter and my six-year-old son. There was a tornado watch on the television (this was a normal occurrence in Tennessee). I was silently praying for the clouds to pass and I was getting them ready for bed. I found my mind wandering and thinking about the future. I was pondering about what would life be like in ten years and what would it feel like to have teenage children in my home. I then went back to reality and continued with my evening routine. 

Today, it is ten years later. My son left earlier today for a ten-day trip to Colorado with Young Life and my daughter is turning 13 on Monday. Last night, I called the kids to come down for dinner and I realized I had forgotten that no one was home. LOL! My son went to go out to the beach with his friends and my daughter was over at her girlfriend's house down the street. It suddenly hit me sitting here in the dark. I no longer had little children at home. I was in my early forties and I had come to a new point in my life. I have raised both of my young children to be teenagers! A myriad of emotions came over me and tears filled my eyes. I did it! WE did it. WOW! Where did the time go? It truly seems like I blinked and we are here. Someone wise told me years ago that the days are long but the years fly by… SUCH foresight!

As I look into my children’s teenage eyes today, I see so much hope, love, and wisdom! My children are so much more knowledgeable than I was at their age. I was so naive and trusting. They understand so much more about life and I am THANKFUL! They know who they are at the core, what they stand for and they are seeking out their God-given passion and talents. My son has found his “thing” in music and my daughter is still seeking but they are solid and I am so proud of them! They are starting to FLY! 

The house each day becomes quieter. I used to dream of a ten-minute "time out" and now every day the quiet minutes become longer. I could sit here and get upset but I refuse to look at this transition in my life as sad. Instead, I am choosing joy! 

I am starting a new business venture with Targeted Skin and I have a flourishing photography business. I am taking more time to enjoy simple pleasures and now more than ever, I want to be kind to myself! I try and exercise most days. I listen to uplifting podcasts and videos.  I want to tell people how much they mean to me and I want to experience every day to the fullest. I dream of seeing beautiful places in the world and touching the lives of those who have been brought into my life on purpose. I want to love more than I have ever loved and use the God given gifts and talents I have been given to brighten the world. Today, I know who I am, what I believe in and I have never been so comfortable embracing this at the core of my being. Sure I still get insecure at times….Who doesn’t? The good news is the uncertainty is always temporary and fleeting. Forty "something" is a wonderful age to be at this Rite of Passage.  I am so thankful for my beautiful life and everything I have been granted. I have done my best, given my all and now I am allowed to devote the rest of my days expressing my gratitude. 

Ah! The lights just came on! Perfect timing! I encourage you to take your life and make it an unbelievable journey on purpose. Why not? You are worth it!

3 am

What I have been learning at 3am

It’s 3am again. Yes, right now this very moment it is 3 am and I have decided to grab my laptop and write this. For the past 2 weeks, I have been waking up every night at this time and falling back asleep around 5. I have been learning so much that I cannot wait to share. When I was in Tennessee, a wise friend of mine once told me, if God wakes you up in the middle of the night it is for a reason… so start listening to what he has to say to you because it’s usually life changing. I will never forget when she told me this and now whenever I wake up at night, I start praying and actively listening to my heart.

 I have had many unanswered questions on my heart lately (don’t we all) and I was hoping God was going to finally shed some light and give me direction, rest and clarity. So, I began asking God to show me the way and I was left with utter silence and frustration again.I quickly realized that my selfish requests were being left unanswered because I was focusing only on me and what he had to show me was so much bigger than my personal unanswered prayers.

Ok, so….This may sound crazy but God literally talks to me and he has my entire life. I don’t know how or why but I literally can hear his voice loud and clear in my heart at times and it usually requires me to do something out of the box. As I have sat in my room night after night lately, I have been thinking about God, us as his people and particularly the modern American church … my heart became very heavy. I started to literally feel the love Jesus and God has for this world and I could clearly see that we are really missing the point. I believe that when we die. Jesus will ask us one question. What did you DO for me?(Read Imagine Heaven….This book is changing my life) How will we answer this question? How will I answer this question? This sent me into a tail-spin of many thoughts about my personal faith journey and my conclusion is… unfortunately, the modern church has it ALL wrong. 

As a recovering church addict, I can tell you I have done it all. There is nothing wrong with going to church and there are many wonderful churches and people involved everywhere … but there is an unhealthy line that many Christians cross and I did cross this line at one time….The modern church focuses on bringing people in and getting them involved and this is where it begins. 

I used to go to church every Saturday night and then eventually on Sunday. I would volunteer 2 hours in the children’s worship as a leader/preacher and sometimes sing in the choir on Sunday Night. I evolved by attending life group on Monday, my Beth Moore Study and choir practice on Wednesday (after the big church dinner). I started my accountability group lunch on Thursday’s and I led my bible study on Friday and then I was back at it Saturday for host team and worship. This was my life for over 8 years and I thought I was living out what God had intended me to do but I was missing the boat COMPLETELY! 

Without even knowing it, I became someone else. I stopped all social media and listening to most secular music. I changed friends and stopped investing in worldly people. I started looking at the world through a murky pair of glasses as an evil place.  I didn't cuss or drink anymore  and I even signed a covenant with the church that I would not partake in ever drinking again. I started to believe I was better than the world because of the knowledge I was attaining and my title as born again Christian.  I started using new church vocabulary with my churchy friends and I was finally FOUND and a part of something NEW, GODLY and AMAZING.  Here are a few words/phrases I would say often in my new vocabulary (in a “churchy”  voice…I cringe at hearing that vocal tone now ugh)

God is pruning us

Submit as a woman to your Godly man to find joy

We must be with Like-minded

We are Doing life together and we are not of the world

Every day we must be Restored

I am a vessel

Don’t talk to any male for any long period of time or look them in the eyes ever.

Dress modestly and be a woman of virtue

Memorize and underline scripture and tell others what you learned

We must bring non-believers in and get them involved to show them the way

God has called me ….to lead a bible study (or whatever)

We are set apart
I need to tell my story

The more I dove in, the smaller my box became and the more shallow/close minded I became to anything else other than my new found Christian fraternity. I now look back on that time and NOW I realize how truly LOST I was and how I did not understand the real HEART of God. I was too busy with building campaigns.

I can tell you friends…this is not it!!! This is not what God intended for any of us. 

Why do most of us really go to church? Most go to find out new information to help us live better lives and we want to be a part of something BIG. Every Monday we take our new found advice and try to live better and ignore the world but by Saturday we are back to our old ways…why? I believe it is because we are walking away from who we were designed to be. 

Most christians are focused on the wrong thing. We have become very narcissistic when it comes to our personal faith and we are missing what God REALLY wants for us. 

 I’ll never forget one night I was at my life group and after listening to many interpretations of the scripture for over 20 boring minutes. I spoke up with a fire that had been brewing in me for some time. I said, ”WHAT are we really doing here? This is nice and all but what did everyone DO this week outside of church, with non-Christian friends (do they exist), family and bible study? All we do is talk and share interpretations week after week. Even church sermons are just opinions and interpretations. How can we say we ARE the church if we just get our weekly therapy sessions, preach and throw around knowledge for our personal gain …AND by doing so we are turning the world away from God?” The room was silent. Everyone looked at me like I was nuts!!! That was the last group meeting I attended.

The truth is God has made each of us unique on purpose. If he wanted us to all be the same….We would ALL be the same. We need to embrace who we are at the core and live out a life loving who God made us to be. Sure we can listen to weekly interpretations especially if you are a new christian who is learning but with the awareness that we are listening to just opinions and If we want to know God’s heart for our lives we need to ask him. Going to church is wonderful if we keep things, duties  and people in perspective. It is a wonderful place to learn and grow but the church needs to encourage individuality and show people it is necessary to Go out and give love away.  The bottom line is too much of ANYTHING is a bad thing.  Here is what the bible tells us about life. Here are the GREATEST commandments. We are to love God with our heart, mind and soul and love others as we love ourselves. That is it! That it’s THE ANSWER of life!!! This is what God will ask us when we go to heaven… He will say Jennifer, how did you Do at this? He wont say… How many bible studies did you lead? How many verses do you know? What is your life verse? Did you submit? How often did you read or create a study?NO! It will be Child…what did you DO for me…

 He created us to GO OUT into the world and love those that come into our lives. We are to love ourselves and others with no motive. Specific people are placed in our lives by design to simply love them and by just loving them they WILL eventually see God through you and me. “They will know we are Christians by our love”. That is the only way. Everything else turns people off. It just does. Ask them and if they are honest, they will tell you. Don’t ask them if they have faith. Don't share bible verses with people who don't know God . They DONT care and you look like a zealot in their eyes. Yes, I have actually heard that term many times when the pushy christian walks away and its very sad. I suggest… JUST LOVE THEM and then they will see God and I promise one day they will ask ….Why are you different? Then tell them, God.. and it will impact them and their opinion on faith and God. 

We are called to go and love! This is what Jesus did. This is what the apostles did. Here is something cool I have been doing… Read what is written in Red in the bible. Jesus words .You will see how Jesus hated the Pharisees and couldn't tolerate "religious" behavior. You will see how he loved those in the world and he felt the pain and sadness of those around him and hoped others would help and love the world. 

Matthew 9: 35Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. 36When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. 37Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. 38Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.”

This verse KILLS me! Where are the workers? God is aching over the fact that everyone is hurting and there is no one to help. I can see Jesus physical ill over the fact that there is so much pain. I just can’t live pretending this verse does not exist. He asked the apostles to pray to God that other people will get out of their box and get their hands dirty. 

 I still watch many churches online every Sunday and I learn many new  wonderful ideas that inspire me!!!! Could you imagine going to church one Sunday and having the preacher say…Ok lets get in our cars now. We are going to feed 5000 people right now. How cool would that be? Who would go and who would leave for brunch :)….I long for a day like this… In my heart I believe this is the church God longs for. So, I will do my best to live out a life consumed by his love. I choose to be different on purpose and invest in others. I will live a life working in the harvest and loving those who are hurting with every corner of my heart. I choose to DO. I choose to live with passion and uncover every path he has placed before me with joy. He has always been the love of my life since I was a child and I know he will always love me and he will guide me every day. I pray that I can be a living angel on earth and show the world love. His amazing love that no word could ever describe.

Well, this is my heart right now that I had to share. On a personaI note, I am  so excited….Yesterday I had a divine connection that is leading me to my next GO and DO!  I hope you find your true life for there you will find PEACE, joy and the heart of God! I will forever be seeking mine and I hope the one day I see Jesus he will tell me, Jennifer…you heard the prayers of the apostles and did something in love. Well Done!

Love Always 

Jenn

Wildfire

I was listening to Joyce Meyer today and how she tried to grow tomatoes in her garden for years because her friend “Super Suzie Christian” was amazing at it! But Joyce’s tomatoes were always bug infested and she finally realized one day that she was never intended to grow tomatoes by God ...That was Suzie’s gift!  

It reminded me of a time when I tried to be “Super Suzie Christian” myself ... for about 5 years, I held pot-luck dinners, went to ladies bible studies (never could really relate) attended every church event . I tried to dress my kids in matching outfits to fit in, contemplated home-schooling and was in the church VBS play. These are not BAD things at all but they really were not “ME” things. I tried to live the “church lady” life but I became 10 miles wide and 2 inches deep in the process.  I was not being who God made me to be in my heart and I was secretly unhappy. I relied more on “Church” than Him to find my identity and it took me a while to figure out who God wanted ME to be...It’s still a process and a journey. 

Now, I adore Church worship and messages and I am thankful for where God has others and where he has me! We are all different and God has given us each a unique path that we must embrace as our own. 

When we try to be something we are not and live somewhere we are not supposed to be ..we can become trapped in a bubble and we eventually may not see what has happened to our lives! Recently God has revealed to me that I am his “Wildfire”. I am meant to enlighten, brighten and burn on the edge of his Glory. He wants me to be His dynamite and set a fire under any blessing he gives me. I am here to inspire, speak, laugh, empower and to share His love through my individual gifts. I am to love myself first and to then give that love to others. I will never be good at “bless your heart” but I will love the hearts he gives me to love! I am an artist! I am me!

Deep Waters

So I have come to a point in my life where I have realized that my time is limited. We all are not guaranteed tomorrow and we all have a set number of days. After a friend of mine recently died, it hit me...life is a sweet short ride and I am tired of wasting any moment in shallow waters. I guess you can say... I am not your normal girl and I finally embrace that. 

“Things” just don’t attract me (never have).  I could care less what your status in life is, where you live, what you drive or how much money you make. It just doesn’t matter to me. If you are a kind person, I simply like you. Things that really move me are God, music (my drug of choice), candlelight, poetry and prose/ lyrics, beautiful moments, long discussions and silence. I like living in a different realm. 

Im tired of shallow conversation, watching TV at night,  listening to people drone on about things that don’t matter and wading knee deep. Lately, I just want more out of life! I can’t transpose my feelings into words because they simply don’t exist. Most days, I feel like I am the only one out there who feels this way. The thought of living the rest of my days in mediocrity scares the crap out of me. I can only say I want to experience EVERYTHING God has to offer me in my one life. I want to dive into DEEP WATERS and live an extraordinary life! I am making this my new promise to myself. I deserve it!

Proverbs 20:5  “The purpose of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out”

The Shiny Red Truck or the Teddy Bear

So I bought some new clothes today because I had to! I am beginning to fit into a smaller size and it is amazing.... however my closet is becoming a no-mans land.  As I was shopping for myself (not my fav thing to do) my eyes where overwhelmed with girl covered stimuli of shoes, sparkles and sass dripping from every corner that surrounded me. For me this experience was overwhelming but luckily I had friends to guide me in finding the right ‘fit” and a bunch of timeless pieces did. This bedazzled covered adventure started my mind to race and I still have not come down from my clothes coma. How do most girls LOVE to do this every day? I still needed a glass of wine!

My thoughts...Why do we all strive for new shiny things? We lust after shoes cars..purses..iphones.. Something new!!! Whatever it is! Remember THE WATCHMAN? You might be too young. It was the most amazing thing I had ever seen when I was younger.  I could walk around and barely watch bad tv and listen to the radio with the flip of a switch, a bunch of batteries and a VERY VERY giant antenna. It was silver ...shiny and my WORLD for about 3 weeks. That was about it! Then there were CD’s!!! Now I bet you can find the watchman in almost every junk yard in America.  So the next time you drive by a junkyard realize they are full of someones dreams at one time. Funny isn’t it! Or is it?

When my son was younger he had to have a New Shiny Red Fire Truck and my husband got it for him for his birthday. I wanted to give him a Teddy Bear like the one I was given for my birthday at his age ...but I guess it was kind of “Girly” so I didn’t.  Now I wish I had ( I know still girly). You see out of all of the things  that I played with as a child, I have one thing that I still cherish..my teddy Bear. He is old, ugly and worn out..but I still cherish that thing. Oh! and guess what? The fire truck is in the junk yard after it broke my foot but my bear was LOVED!

I think God wants us to look at life with more of a “Teddy Bear” perspective. We need to stop investing in CRAP (whatever it is ) and invest in quality and things that hold our hearts. We need to hold tight and seek real things that can hold our heart forever instead of a shiny moment. We need to dig deep and find out why we have to keep HAVING “new” all the time and why we crave the shallow. Are we just in love with the quest of getting that shiny thing? I guess...Answer your own questions.  It seems most people keep going around in circles and just end up with more Crap than they need in all areas of their lives and it hurts them in the end.  I don’t want to be like that. I’m a “forever” girl and want to dive into what matters.

 I am going to make it my mission this year to weed out the “knick knacks and fire trucks” that just take up space in every area of my life and invest in the true quality of life God wants me to have. I want to have a life full of Teddy Bears. LOL! That  last line sounded so cheesy but I am!  Ha!

( just re-read this... Yup! Grammar at 5am and no coffee... Priceless)